Four perky, clueless cheerleaders from the Happy Valley High Hamsters are mistakenly blamed by the meddling Church Ladies for the invasion of the “Internet smut” into their children’s bedrooms. The Church Ladies hire Stephen, a sexually ambiguous teacher from the local Parochial Reform School, to teach the cheerleaders a lesson. But the cheerleaders have more than Stephen to worry about…lurking in the shadows is Mr. X, an evil mastermind who is using the cheerleaders as guinea pigs to test his Internet Zombie Domination software!

Catherine Clare reluctantly trades life in 1980s Manhattan for a remote home in the tiny hamlet of Chosen, New York, after her husband George lands a job teaching art history at a small Hudson Valley college. Even as she does her best to transform the old dairy farm into a place where young daughter Franny will be happy, Catherine increasingly finds herself isolated and alone. She soon comes to sense a sinister darkness lurking both in the walls of the ramshackle property—and in her marriage to George.

Real estate agent Maceda (Chris Sarandon) once testified against drug trafficker Orosco (Miguel Najera). Now Orosco is out of prison, and Maceda has a problem. He flees, hiding out at a near-vacant California Central Valley inn where innkeeper Kat (Mariel Hemingway) is happy to have him sign the register. His presence, however, arouses the suspicions of lone cop Gilchrist (Dennis Hopper). Meanwhile, Fed agent Gere (Peter Coyote) hopes to track Maceda before Orosco’s thugs pick up the scent.